Yes!

I just moved all my stuff into my new place!
YESSSS!!! It's unorganized, a bit empty yet and lonely.
But once it's all unpacked it will feel like home.
I can have cats so that will be less lonely, plus my bf lives just down the street.
This is what I wanted. It's a small place, but nice.
Can't wait to decorate. yeeehaw.


"I wanna be a millionaire,
so fuckin' bad."

Growing up means growin apart. GET USED TO IT

Dear Blogger,
I hate growing up. It's all I've wanted and now I dispise it. I thouroughly enjoy the freedom and being able to help others grow, but I entierely miss my past. There are things I wish I had done better, and things I wish I never did. I've done a lot of, wait- I've made a lot of avoidable mistakes and I know I've learned from them but sometimes I still can't help but be upset about it. I've said lots of nasty things to a lot of people just because of my own anger. I've avoided making friends with people because of my own self-caunciousness and it upsets me. I am mad at myself for being like that, but I also have to think on the bright side. I'be met amazing people and still have amazing people in my life.

Like I've said in earlier posts my mum is my number one. We have this connection and she's like my best friend. I always want to make her proud, and when I "fuck up" I hurt because I hurt her. She has taught me wonderful morals and made me a heppy, bright young lady.
My number two's would be dad, brother, and sister. My dad and I have had some serious difference's but I am proud of him for taking me under his wing and caring for me as I am his. He will always be there for me. My brother and sister, oh, I love them sweetly. They look up to me so much and care about me more than I probably know. I wish we were closer in age, and they would do more for mum and dad. I understand that they are young, but maybe since I was so much older it was just a given in me to take care of each of them. I don't regret it. I appreciate the way I was raised, for the most part.
The third most absolute important person to me is Biker. I love him dearly. I want to forever. I want nothing to bring us apart, EVER!

There were certain things in my upbringing that still kind of affect me. Things like when mum and dad would call me fat and say mean things about how I am going nowhere.
Many of those rude comments I used to better myself. I used them to prove I was better and I could do well, but after hearing them for so long I started to believe. After my parents broke up I offically "broke free." I became a careless person. I did and said horrible things to my mum and even hurt my dad. I got into cocaine, frequently used and completely stopped eating and when I did I threw it up. I didn't see it bad and I wouldn't necessarily call myself anorexic or bulimic. I think it was the anxiety and stress that upset my stomache, as i've realized now. When I am really upset my stomach gets "topsy-turvy" and upset. Anytime my heart begins racing I start to feel really warm and sick. I think that's the stress and ainxiety. Back to before, it was weird, because I worked my butt off mowing lawns al summer. Which, may I mention, is a fun but hard job. But, it was weird because even for not eating, my main diet was an apple and water, maybe what ma cooked, but if I ate it usually never stayed down, but anyways. Back to what I was tryin to get at, after all that, I never managed to get slim. I got to 150 and that was all. I was not slim. Just, like, didn`t matter what size I was I was always criticized for how much I ate or this and that. I`m embarrased to eat in front of people and when I do I make jokes about how fat I`ll get after eating. It`s easier just to be the one to say it than to have been told how fat and disgusting I look!!!
I do, however, want to get in shape. I know I can be and I enjoy doing th outdoor activities that I used to partake in. I suppose my parents were right when saying your friends will chnge and things will get different and growing up isn`t the bst thing.
Ugghhh I always ramble,
but I guess this is what a blog is meant for =)
Later gatorss

Hi my name is: Elizabeth
But you can call me: Beth Anne
When I'm nervous: i have a hard time talking
Last night: went to rayrays and had a very enjoyable evening


PART 1: YOU
Were you a planned baby? nope
Were you the first?? Suree was
Are your parents still married? notta.

PART 2: YOUR PERSONALITY
Do you have low self esteem? No, I wouldn't say that I do.
Do you get depressed easily? Ddefinitly not.

PART 3: APPEARANCE
Are you comfortable with the way you look? i have no choise but to be
Describe your hair: Brown, long and curlyy
Where do you buy most of your clothes? Syndicate

PART 4: RANDOM
Ever been kicked out of a bar? Yesssir
Ever drunk dial an ex? I have NO reason to
Can you tie a cherry stem using your tongue? no win

PART 5: THE OUTDOORS
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? I'd love to spend more time outdoors than I do
Do you like walking in the rain? If it's warm
Do you like thunderstorms? In loveeee

PART 6: FOOD
Are you a vegetarian? I could NEVER be
Anything you absolutely could eat forever? KD and cheese *sluurrrpp*

PART 7: RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE
Do you want to get married? it's basically all I want to do!!!
Have you ever been in love? headoverheels atm
Are you in a relationship now? the most amazing one I could ever have asked for
Who was your last kiss? Bikker =] xox

PART 8: RANDOM QUESTIONS
1. Where is your cell phone? Somewhere here.
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Biker <3
3. Your hair? pony tail, unbrushed
4. Your style? i have no particular style.
5. Cheesecake? dislike.
6. Siblings? Bobby and Jenny
7. Your dream last night? I was far too tired to dream...
8. Your favorite drink? water.
9. Car you want? I'm content with anything that runs and gets me around
10. The room you are in: bedroom
11. Your life goal?: There are a few
12. Your fears?: losing the person I love the most. it would absolutly crush me.
13. Piercings? ears, tongue
14. Tonight? just got back from golden watchin Mmmber and Dorkal play vid games.
15. Last night? party party
16. Check out Superbad? i think, dun remember
17. Things on your wishlist? a happy family
18. Where did you grow up? Windermere
19. Favorite movie? Shrek series
20. What are you wearing? PJs
21. Tattoos? I have none and probably will never get one
22. Ketchup? little on a burger
23. Your computer? is a laptop
24. Your friends? mean a lot
25. Your mood? content
26. Missing? the besties
27. What are you thinking about right now? this joint being rolled
28. Your car/truck is? Bikers red truck
29. Your work? A&W muaha
30. Your summer? was not my best one
31. Your favorite song? They change
32. Your favorite color(s)? pink, blue, green, purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? I ALWAYS laugh
34. Last time you cried? i get...emotional....at times
35. High school? DTSS and Open Doors
36. Last text? Maggie
37. Last received call? Matthew
38. Last IM? I don't "IM"
39. Crushing? in love
40. Life? is fantastic

I definitly just wrote a huge shpeel about things and the internet quit. goodnight!!

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
you were amazing <3

IT SAVED

So im writing to you in kind of a drunken splerr but its something that id like a few to know and not all facebook. I find writing helps me cope with my emotions.

I often think that I know myself and who I am, and how strong and capable I am, but then there are many a time that find myself thinking, who am I really?? I have no idea. There are days where I feel so incredibly strong and there are weeks where I feel terrible. I'm thinking to myself what make me mad and upset. Lately I've found it is people that have the things that I want and they do not respect nor cherish them. There are two big things I want in my life, and I know that I would do everything to keep them. But I know that there are also people that have and had them and just act like they didn't mean anything. I think that I am farr to critical to myself. I need to start realizing that I am fine who I am. I do make mistakes and I really get upset with myself that I do. I feel that I can work hard and I shouln't make mistakes. I mean, they doo happen but things I can avoid shouldn't happen. I've got pretty amazing oppourtunities ahead of me but there are things that hold me back. I do owe a lot of money I have, for the most part, put a lot of bills to the side. I felt, though, after I broke up with my ex I needed to spend money on myself. Buying things for myself to make me feel good about how I looked felt really nice. I don't get in trouble for it. I am treated like I am the most important and wonderful person there is. I sure couldnt ask for more!!! When I feel upset or down about myself, I just think about the most amazing person thats came into my life and it turns things around. The best thing is when I tell him I'm feeling ugly, or insecure, or unimportant, he instaltly tries to make me feel the opposite. How could anyone ask for anything more. I swear he's the one. The single person I have always wanted in life. Something special.

you take my breath away. you're a super nova

that night.
everything meant something.
wrapped around your arms.
your entire body behind me;
pulling me closer into your chest.
kissing my neck.
pulling my hair from my face.
biting on, breathing in and whispering "i love you" into my ear.
me grazing my cheek against yours.
feeling closer to heaven than i've ever been.
two people but at that moment just one.
meant to be.
taking each others breath away.
by just one kiss.
<3 <3 <3

that smile.

I have writers block.
I have no emotion that I feel. I hate not having things to write about. I was hoping to start this blog with lots of things to write about, but it seems as though I don't. I'm hoping something will come along that will inspire me. Maybe I need to do a rant. I do have a lot of things to rant about. But, then again, I am on a mission of Self Improvement, and one of my weakness's that I'm working on is being judegmental and quick to be angered. I, at least, am aware of it and I guess the best I can do is realize when it's beginnning to happen and what I can do to better it.
Well i've nothing much to really write about.
I hope to stop in tomrrow
much love (to basically only you ma, since you the only one who reads this)